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A Reflection on Making New Year's Resolutions
The newness of each New Year gently calls us to re-think, re-evaluate, re-organize and re-plan to make small and big dreams come true. Many people write New Year's resolutions and statistics from the Articles Based Free Online Articles Directory states that "each year 40% - 45% of adults makes one or more resolutions or goals for themselves. Research shows that 75% make it past the first week, and 46% make it past 6 months. Now while a lot of people break there resolutions, statistics on New Year's resolutions show that setting goals for yourself is still good because you are 10 times more likely to attain your goal, rather than people who don't explicitly make goals"
Why are so many people not able to stick to the resolution? Maybe it is because we take on too many new goals, maybe we don't have enough support to help us achieve the goals, and maybe it is simply that the goals we strive to achieve do not align with the core values and beliefs of our inner self. Two years ago, I gave up on writing long lists of resolutions because I am a reflection of the 46% of the statistics, only that I don't usually make it past much longer than the 6th month. In 2009, in an effort to cope with my own personal unresolved issues which seem to have no definite solution, I decided to watch 100 movies, as a distraction. Maybe you can say it was a resolution – to watch 100 movies - but the difference is that I did not have a particular outcome in mind. Those movies kept me incredibly busy, inspired and sane - in some cases they were really the life line for me and for an even stranger reason, the movies that came my way quite randomly, all had themes relating to my unresolved issues for which I was desperately seeking answers.
In Runaway Bride, Maggie Carpenter spoke to my heart when she confessed to Ike "When I was walking down the aisle, I was walking toward somebody who didn't have any idea who I really was. And it was only half the other person's fault, because I had done everything to convince him that I was exactly what he wanted. So it was good that I didn't go through with it because it would have been a lie." The difference between Maggie and I was that she had the courage to run away by listening to that inkling inside her soul while I did not; but that inkling bothered me for the next 17 years. Maggie also listened to the inkling that told her that Ike was the right person for her and had the courage to face herself and follow her heart.
The Feast of Love, reaffirmed for me the the magical, mysterious and sometimes painful incarnations of love. Bradley asks Margaret "What's making you smile like this?" and she answered "Looking out the window, an unusual man, an innocent man, an open-hearted man. Someone who has given tremendous love, but never had it returned, not in the way he deserves." Later on when she asks him about his walk, he talks about watching two women fall in love and he said, "The funny thing is, nobody noticed. Not even the husband, two feet away" This movie made me reflect on how often I ignore my first intuitive feeling about others but it shows that if you pay attention, you can see the signs from the very first moment you meet someone. The Feast of love is evident in our daily lives and if we can look through the lens of our hearts, we can perhaps avoid much heartbreak and embrace love with open arms, without fear or judgement.
According to Ferris in Ferris Bueller's Day off, he comments that "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." What keeps us locked within ourselves is not being able to see how all the pieces in our lives fit from the past to the future and Rakifi, from The Lion King inspires me when he said "Oh yes, the past can hurt. But, you can either run from it or learn from it." I have decided to learn.
It wasAnna Scott in Notting Hill who brought me home when she said"And one day, not long from now, my looks will go. They will discover I can't act, and I will become some sad middle-aged woman who looks a bit like someone who was famous for a while." I needed to find the fuel to dig deeper into myself and to be true to my own life without the cosmetics, charades or expectations of anyone.
Throughout 2009, story lines and characters spoke to me in a personal way - they were either telling my story back to me or inspiring me to find my voice and let my own truth be heard. As Duke in The Notebook expressed: " I am no one special. Just a common man with common thoughts. I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but in one respect I've succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I've loved another with all my heart and soul and for me that has always been enough." How often do we get the chance to feel that love in its fullness and wholeness? As I started to mentally release my stress and reclaim my inner personal space and freedom, strange coincidences started to happen that magically created opportunities for me to be free. By the end of 2009, some of those unresolved issues became more resolved as I gained greater clarity and a heavy weight lifted off my shoulders as my husband and I went our separate ways. Was there a coincidence between watching the movies, being inspired mentally and the things that actually happened?
As I launched out in 2010, with my new-found feeling of freedom, I made a commitment to myself to have 365 Fabulous Days to make up for the last 365 cloudy days. I did not necessarily decide the details of those Fabulous Days except to commit to journaling every day by writing a memoir to my children which would allow me to integrate some of my experiences over the last forty one years of my life to help them understand who I am, where I came from, what has happened to me along the way and how I came to be who I am now. All of this was in an effort to provide an explanation to the ups and downs which they had witnessed in our family life as marriage went downhill. I had a burning desire to provide a space for them to understand it one day, when they are old enough and to hope that it will speak to their hearts and they will find the space to forgive me, in fact to forgive both their parents, for not being there as fully as every parent should be.
In my mindfulness of creating 365 Fabulous Days, I actually copied a small calendar at the back of my journal, and at the end of each day, I would ask myself whether it was a Fabulous Day or not. If it was a Fabulous Day, I would highlight it in yellow and if it was not, I would highlight it in red. After the first week of journaling, I decided that it would be a good idea to have criteria for what would make a Fabulous Day. Strangely enough, my criteria were so simple, that even I was shocked that this was all that I needed to have a Fabulous Day:
- To wake up in the morning and feel reverence for the day and to feel centered with God
- To wake up in the morning and know that my children, their dad, my family are fine, healthy and well
- To be able to sit in quiet reflection in the morning and to be able to look out at my back yard. I love the forest and trees back there. It is so peaceful
- To laugh and enjoy the company of the people all around me
- To dance
- To do things that are exciting and pure
- To be able to share with others and to make other people feel happy and alive
- To feel blessed at the end of the day and to be able to return home to my family and that each one of them are safe and happy.
As I look back and read through my writings each day, I have to say that I had an incredible 365 days with a few bad days here and there highlighted in red. It is a good thing to shoot for the moon – if you don't land there – you will fall among the stars, which is also a good place to land! Interestingly enough, there were many Fabulous Days, beyond the scope of my criteria, which were not planned for at all. The criteria which I set for myself as a "Fabulous Day" came out of a longing from my soul to enjoy the simplicity of life, without much fuss... it was the longing that came out of the unresolved issues of 2009, which left me quite emotionally drained. Simple ordinary moments become extraordinary as I shifted my appreciation for the simple pleasures of life, like feeling the warm sun kissing my skin as I laid on my friend's deck over the MsGregor's lake looking up at the clear blue sky; or walking through the forest at the back of my house; smiling in the eyes of a stranger on the street; meditating in front of a bon fire; just cleaning my space and lighting a candle or sitting and having dinner with my children and listening to their whims and dreams and meeting friends for coffee, dinner, movies as well as doing something nice for total strangers. Magic seem to always surround my life and it seemed that my life was just magically filled with excitement and opportunities, even when I was not really looking for anything in particular – except to be truly present. The feeling of wholeness and the wonders and awe of God surrounded my life.
Some of the Fabulous Days had absolutely no pre-planning such as dog sledding and curling in Monte Bello which happened while visiting Quebec with a friend and others which popped at my door step as invitations and did require planning such as modeling with my daughter, a trip to Montreal with friends, going to the Opera, being the Master of Ceremonies for various occasions, celebrating a friend's 65th birthday, having an intuitive reading done for me and sitting with a numerologist at the invitation of a friend (which both gave me great insights into my life); starting my own company; as well as others which I intentionally set out to do such as treating all my staff and colleagues with utmost respect and to provide leadership to motivate others and learning how to dance Salsa which was inspired by watching the movie Dirty Dancing.
Dancing is something that I need to talk about as part of my Fabulous 365 Days because while it came to be part of those 365 days, it has been daunting to my spirit for years. When I told my mother, who is quite a serious minded person in her seventy's that I was going to learn to dance, she thought I was crazy and reminded me that I was not a teenager anymore and I had responsibilities to raise my children now. On the other hand, my aunt who is much more jovial and takes life lightly said "Enjoy your life girl, life is too short." To make my dancing official, I brought myself a little skirt which made me feel pretty and sexy as I swirled around in it. Dancing was never really a part of our lifestyle in my family when I was growing up. In our house, the radio was often on, but our family did not dance. We did not have a stereo set and did not spend time talking about music nor going to the Sunday dances as most other teenagers did. One day, at a Mother's Day celebration, I watched my mother dance for the first time. As I watched her dance, I saw something beautiful in her spirit that I fell in love with. It was a radiant energy. Her face seemed light, there was a smile on her face and for moments there she seemed to be happy and free. I remember being taken a back because I just never thought that my mother could dance – she was always so serious about her life and what I often saw was her doing the domestic routines in the house with seldom happy moments. I still have this picture of her in my mind and on that day, I decided that I wanted to be able to dance.
To my greatest shock however, as I entered into my youthful years, I realized that I could not feel music. When I tried to dance, my body did not seem to know what to do –although it appeared to be natural to other people. Should I move my legs, my shoulders, or my waist or my hips? The people I danced with always told me to "listen to the music", - well, I was listening but didn't know what to listen to – was it the instruments? The lyrics? Some told me to "just follow me" but that also was very difficult because I did not know how to follow… since I never knew how to move backward or forward, or whether to move my waist or my hips. At my Graduation Prom night, I was totally perplexed by the variety of dance moves that the boys and girls in my class could do, that simply looked quite confusing to me. I danced with one guy that night who kept on telling me "you're going to fast" and another who said "you need to loosen up". How I wished we had been given a few dance classes! After that, each time I went out until recently, if someone asked me to dance, my first response would be "I am not a good dancer and I will step on your toes." In the male effort to be with me, they would teach me steps and hold me close but still, I just did not get it! For years, this bothered me and I silently wished for an opportunity to learn. Dancing Salsa was the opportunity for me to finally learn how to dance properly – and though it had its challenges, the classes made a huge difference. Though I am still not at all a great dancer, I have learnt some basics like your hips can only move when you bend your knees! I had never connected the two before!
Along the journey of those 365 Fabulous Days, I met amazing people who showed up in my life in quite unplanned ways. Although predominantly my thoughts were simply around having 365 Fabulous Days, I also had serious financial difficulties which I needed to deal with. For some miraculous reason, I met two amazing people quite coincidentally – one from my Salsa class and one from walking on the street who were extremely instrumental in helping me sort out my finances to the point of even getting a brand new car at the very moment that our old car became absolutely useless. Each time I got in a financial glitch, it seemed that a solution magically surfaced and after so many repetitions, I became convinced that no matter how difficult the circumstances, I would somehow get through. I held steadfast to this belief. My financial literacy in North America has grown tremendously over this last year – and like dancing, I wished that I had been given a few financial classes along the way. This is another story!
Many people added so much insights, so much joy, laughter and incredible depth to my life. After attending an 8 day Meditation class in the summer – again, one of those unplanned events that popped up on my door step through the referral of a dear friend, the words of our dear Guru, remain a beacon for me. He said "In life, you must do the first thing first – second thing – no matter," I pondered over this for a long time. Throughout the eight days, I felt that I was being given a life course. Through meditation, reflections and being in the midst of like-minded persons, I felt a space in my heart and soul opened up. My body felt physically lighter and I could feel the emotional stress release from my body like tiny beads breaking loose. I started to have new dreams. I was inspired me to take a step to begin my own company, to do first things first – which was to use my knowledge, skills and experience to provide facilitation and training services to others. My deepest passion is teaching and facilitation. My company is called "Simplified Training and Facilitation" and the general idea is to simplify training and integrate life concepts to motivate, inspire and teach others. As I developed the concept, once again, help appeared from a total stranger off the street to help me with the design. I have now created several courses "Manage Your Potential" which uses creative methodologies in a simple way to help people become unstuck using both a theoretical and a "soul" approach to managing and developing their potential from within. Teaching this course feeds my soul and I know that when I am facilitating – I am doing the first thing first… second thing, no matter!
When the basics of respect, trust, cooperation, reverence for the Divine within us, compassion and the deep desire to use our talent to make this world better, everything falls in place. The obstacles we face in life are unpredictable sometimes and sometimes match with our own feelings of fear, anxiety, anger or unresolved issues. When we embrace our emotions, have the courage to ask questions and to live with the answers and to have faith that even within the most difficult and unexplainable moments in our lives, we will be o.k - life will throw open some doors and give you insights to guide you. When we can use the difficulties to grow and help others, we expand the light that surrounds our souls and become a beacon for others. When we are generous to others – be it by keeping them in our prayers, providing care and comfort or believing in them – we attract greater good in our lives. When we become aligned with who we are and when we discover that the gifts we are blessed with are meant to be shared and it is through sharing, that life blesses us abundantly – our soul comes to rest peacefully and embraces all of life – the good and the bad – with equal reverence.
As Will Smith, in The Legend of Bagger Vance said : "Inside each and every one of us is our one, true authentic swing. Something we was born with. Something that's ours and ours alone. Something that can't be learned... something that's got to be remembered."
If I had tried to plan goals for a fabulous year, I don't think that I would have been able to plan such a great and fulfilling year. It would take another article to continue my 365 Fabulous Days. My experience over the last two years have made me realize that making resolution goes deeper than writing goals even though I passionately believe that writing those goals are also extremely important as it helps us to measure something objectively. Goals are usually set to help us achieve something which in the long term helps us to be more successful or happier. However, is it really true that by achieving goals we are happier people? Or do we become more successful, more fulfilled in life by being happy people? I now firmly believe that our energy is like a magnet and depending on our true (not pretending) emotional gauge and our interpretation of our experiences, we attract opportunities or see obstacles in life. This is why we may write something but it may not manifest because at a soul level we are not aligned with it. It may be only externally motivated. We can also just think of something and it can manifest immediately because it matches with our soul energy. We know when we are aligned when we feel that passion rising within the depths of our soul – and that what we do, what we say and what we attract – all fits together.
If you have not been able to stick to your New Year's resolution, I would like to encourage you to:
a) Try to feel your life – not just losing five pounds or stop smoking or making more money
b) Take stalk of your emotions. Are you happy? Are you longing for something? Are you feeling discontent about something in your life? Allow yourself to feel at home with your emotion without putting a band aid on it. Sit quietly with it and see what comes to you intuitively. Be honest. For the coming year, you may not necessarily want to achieve a particular goal – you may simply want to focus on finding an answer or exploring something deeper to make you a happier person.
c) Ask yourself these questions: Why do you want to achieve this goal? Is it to build your self-confidence? Will it make you happier? If you achieved this goal, who else would benefit from it? Is this goal consistent with your values and your beliefs about your abilities as a person? Does this goal speak to your soul?
d) What kind of support do you need to achieve this goal? What ONE important step can you do today, to enable you to move closer to this goal?
e) If you had to find one word to dedicate this year to, what would it be? FUN? FAITH? OPPORTUNITY? MOVIES? DANCE? COMMUNITY? SHARING? VOLUNTEERING? SPORTS?
The idea is to find a point to improve your energy level where you feel happy, free in spirit and simply joyful. The logical part of our brain says everything must be broken down into small pieces to be measured but the illogical and "soul searching" part of my life tells me that the answers are all within us if we take some time to listen to our own intuition. Each of us has our own unique mission in this life and a personality that works with this mission. It is important for us to know what works best for each of us. Changing from writing resolutions to simply creating a "Year for 100 Movies" and "365 Fabulous Days" created a mindset for me which magically circumvented situations and insights that turned the ordinary into the extraordinary and matched with my emotional and mental mindset. Although they were general, it was precisely what I needed at the time to keep me rooted.
As 2011 draws near, I have already created a new theme for this year – 2011, Year of Opportunity and Prosperity. I believe that after 365 Fabulous Days, I can ride the waves! Happy 2011!
About the Author
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