Exercise Harness

It's My Body; I'll Exercise It If I Have To

Lately, I have noticed a lot of news regarding all aspects of the body. According to one report I read, this is a multibillion dollar-a-year business. I never knew my body was worth so much money. I'm tempted to sell it, or at least rent it out on a part-time basis.

I did not know how big of a deal this was until one night this past week I had a little trouble sleeping.

One reason I have trouble falling asleep is my deep fear of falling. Actually, it's not the fall that worries me so much as that sudden stop. For some inexplicable reason I always stop three inches past the floor.

I would not worry so much about falling asleep if I knew I was going to fall on my pillow instead of the floor. However, I can't count on anything these days. Not even my fingers.

I once woke up in the middle of the night engaged in a vicious life or death pillow fight. Unfortunately, the pillow won and I cannot find anyone to take my case.

I did find one lawyer but he was three-sheets-to-the-wind and my case was no breeze.

One fear I have in the middle of the night is falling into the hands of some vicious nightmare because of my horsing around the day before. My wife keeps nagging me about my daytime activities but I have a hard time harnessing these erratic urges.

Often when I have trouble going to sleep or when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep I simply get up quietly so as not to disturb the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and turn on the television. I once disturbed her and when I came to, I vowed never to repeat that offense.

You would think with so many channels on television there would be something interesting to watch in the middle of the night. Something that would make the time spent profitably. Unfortunately, the nighttime airwaves are devoted to things holding no interest for anybody still clutching to a slim strand of sanity. You don't have to be crazy to watch nighttime TV; it's just a consequence of watching nighttime TV.

What I do not understand is why they run so many infomercials for exercise equipment at two o'clock in the morning. Who in their right mind is up that time of night? I know I'm not.

Using my remote, I channel surfed for probably 20 minutes and found nothing but people demonstrating exercise equipment and taunting me that I need to begin an exercise regimen if I'm going to live a healthy life. One man's healthy life is another man's pain in the back, the knee and the elbow. After all this exercise, I only end up with a tennis elbow and athletes foot.

Not only exercise equipment, but also a good portion of these infomercials touted on the latest fad diet. According to one commercial I can lose all the weight I want to lose in a six-month period for only six easy payments of $99 which they would gladly charge to my credit card account. "Call right now," they invite through the television screen, "for this special one- time offer."

This "special one-time offer" is conveniently offered every night. The only weight being lost is from my checking account. If anyone ever had a gander at my checkbook, they would readily see that my goose is cooked. Perhaps I could start a new fad diet: Cooked Goose. I could market myself as the "Cooked Goose Gourmet."

All this hype made me hungry, so I raided the refrigerator and kidnapped a tasty snack and immediately put it out of its misery and into my middle-age spread.

I say enough is enough. I am tired of other people telling me how to take care of my body. It takes all the strength and energy I have to drag my body from one place to another, let alone adding exercise to my daily schedule.

For a person my age I get plenty of exercise, more than I really need. A typical day for me always includes a rigid exercise regime; jumping to conclusions, running my mouth even when I'm told to be quiet from You Know Who and throwing my weight around every chance I get. After a full day of this, I am thoroughly exhausted.

For my money, it's my body and I'll exercise it if I have to, thank you. However, right now, I have more important things to do. Places to go. People do see. Experiences to enjoy. I can't think of any right now, but anything is better than some artificial exercise program. Who do you think I am? Jack LaLane?

With all this emphasis on exercise, I wish some of these people would exercise the right to keep their viewpoint to themselves.

In my opinion, the apostle Paul had the right attitude about all of this. I like what he writes to a young man by the name of Timothy. "For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come" (1 Timothy 4:8 KJV).

The body exercised is no substitute for the daily exercise of godliness. To exercise godliness is to make the best possible use of each day.

About the Author

Lately, I have noticed a lot of news regarding all aspects of the body. According to one report I read, this is a multibillion dollar-a-year business. I never knew my body was worth so much money. I'm tempted to sell it, or at least rent it out on a part-time basis.

Exercise $17.99 Exercise - Art Print

Marshall Neoprene Ferret Harness $8.99 Marshall Neo-harness A curious, frisky ferret naturally loves to explore. Give your little adventurer a chance to enjoy the great outdoors with this Neoprene Harness by Marshall. It works like a jacket-just slip it around your ferret, fasten the Velcro closures and get out there! Features: . Allows full range of motion for pleasurable and safe walks outside . Promotes exercise and alleviates cage stress . Great for pet/owner bonding . Adjustable Velcro closures around front and behind front legs . Lightweight, soft and durable Neoprene . Metal leash adjustment . Hand wash or dry clean only Item Specifications: Size: One size Color: Red

SSG Multi-Purpose Sled Harness $28.04 SSG Multi-Purpose Sled Harness. But actually, this well-balanced Sled Harness isn't at all uncomfortable, so you're not going to feel like a beast of burden. You can use it for hauling a load, ice fishing, hunting, or even pulling the kids around in a sled. It has padded straps, and fits waist sizes up to 60", over outerwear. Getting some outdoors fresh air and exercise will make you less husky and keep you in shape.

Super Pet Comfort Harness With Leash Small $8.99 The Small Comfort Harness and Stretchy Stroller Leash are the safest and most stylish way to walk your favorite furry friend! The Comfort Harness is designed to comfortably conform to your critter's contour. The adjustable small size fits small ferrets, pet rats and other smaller critters. Comfort Harnesses adjustable Velcro straps make fitting remarkably easy, while the E-Z snap buckle ensures a safe and secure connection on the harness. The Comfort Harness comes complete with a 4 foot Stretchy Stroller Leash made just for small animals. The unique harness and Stretchy Stroller ensures your pet cannot get away from you, yet its elasticity helps prevent injuries to your pet while being walked. The Comfort Harness encourages safe and healthy exercise for your little furry friend. It fits neck size 5" to 7" and waist size 7" to 9"

Four Paws Safety Iguana Lead & Harness (6 feet) $3.99 Four Paws Safety Iguana Lead & Harness offers reptile lovers a safe and dependable way to give their pets freedom and exercise. Lead is 6' long and fully adjustable. Type: Leashes

Four Paws Pet Products SFPIH6 Iguana Harness And Lead $19.49 Four Paws Safety Iguana Lead amp; Harness offers reptile lovers a safe and dependable way to give their pets freedom and exercise. Lead is 6in.long and fully adjustable. Available in red black and lavender

SuperPet Comfort Harness & Stretchy Leash Small $7.99 Comfort Harness & Stretchy Stroller Leash, Small The Small Comfort Harness and Stretchy Stroller Leash are the safest and most stylish way to walk your favorite furry friend! The Comfort Harness is designed to comfortably conform to your critter's contour. The adjustable small size fits small ferrets, pet rats and other smaller critters. Comfort Harnesses adjustable VELCRO® brand straps make fitting remarkably easy, while the E-Z snap buckle ensures a safe and secure connection on the harness. The Comfort Harness comes complete with a 4 foot Stretchy Stroller Leash made just for small animals. The unique harness and Stretchy Stroller ensures your pet cannot get away from you, yet its elasticity helps prevent injuries to your pet while being walked. Comfort Harness encourages safe and healthy exercise Small size for small ferrets, pet rats or other small animals Fits neck size 5" to 7" and waist size 7" to 9" VELCRO® is a registered trademark of Velcro Industries B.V.

SuperPet Comfort Harness & Stretchy Leash Large $10.99 Comfort Harness & Stretchy Stroller Leash, Large The Large Comfort Harness and Stretchy Stroller Leash are the safest and most stylish way to walk your favorite furry friend! The Comfort Harness is designed to comfortably conform to your critter's contour. The adjustable large size fits pet rabbits and other large critters. Comfort Harnesses adjustable Velcro straps make fitting remarkably easy, while the E-Z snap buckle ensures a safe and secure connection on the harness. The Comfort Harness comes complete with a 6 foot Stretchy Stroller Leash made just for small animals. The unique harness and Stretchy Stroller ensures your pet cannot get away from you, yet its elasticity helps prevent injuries to your pet while being walked. Comfort Harness encourages safe and healthy exercise Large size for rabbits, pet rats or other small animals Fits neck size 9" to 11" and waist size 11" to 13"

SuperPet Comfort Harness & Stretchy Leash Medium $9.99 Comfort Harness & Stretchy Stroller Leash, Medium The Medium Comfort Harness and Stretchy Stroller Leash are the safest and most stylish way to walk your favorite furry friend! The Comfort Harness is designed to comfortably conform to your critter's contour. The adjustable small size fits small ferrets, guinea pigs and other smaller critters. Comfort Harnesses adjustable VELCRO® brand straps make fitting remarkably easy, while the E-Z snap buckle ensures a safe and secure connection on the harness. The Comfort Harness comes complete with a 6 foot Stretchy Stroller Leash made just for small animals. The unique harness and Stretchy Stroller ensures your pet cannot get away from you, yet its elasticity helps prevent injuries to your pet while being walked. Comfort Harness encourages safe and healthy exercise Medium size for ferrets, guinea pigs and other small animals Fits neck size 7" to 9" and waist size 9" to 11" VELCRO® is a registered trademark of Velcro Industries B.V.

Super Pet Ferret Comfort Harness Small $6.79 Super Pet Ferret Comfort Harness Small The Comfort Harness and Stretchy Stroller Leash are the safest and most stylish way to walk your favorite furry friend! The Comfort Harness is designed to comfortably conform to your critter's contour. Features: Comfort Harnesses adjustable Velcro straps make fitting remarkably easy, while the E-Z snap buckle ensures a safe and secure connection on the harness. The Comfort Harness comes complete with a 4 foot Stretchy Stroller Leash made just for small animals. The unique harness and Stretchy Stroller ensures your pet cannot get away from you, yet its elasticity helps prevent injuries to your pet while being walked. Comfort Harness encourages safe and healthy exercise Item Specifications: Size: Small: fits neck size 5" to 7" and waist size 7" to 9" Med: fits neck size 7" to 9" and waist size 9" to 11" Color: Assorted Patterns

Super Pet Ferret Comfort Harness Medium $7.29 Super Pet Ferret Comfort Harness Small The Comfort Harness and Stretchy Stroller Leash are the safest and most stylish way to walk your favorite furry friend! The Comfort Harness is designed to comfortably conform to your critter's contour. Features: Comfort Harnesses adjustable Velcro straps make fitting remarkably easy, while the E-Z snap buckle ensures a safe and secure connection on the harness. The Comfort Harness comes complete with a 4 foot Stretchy Stroller Leash made just for small animals. The unique harness and Stretchy Stroller ensures your pet cannot get away from you, yet its elasticity helps prevent injuries to your pet while being walked. Comfort Harness encourages safe and healthy exercise Item Specifications: Size: Small: fits neck size 5" to 7" and waist size 7" to 9" Med: fits neck size 7" to 9" and waist size 9" to 11" Color: Assorted Patterns

The Exercise $7.8 No Synopsis Available

Super Pet Small Animal Comfort Harness with Leash Medium $8.99 The Small Comfort Harness and Stretchy Stroller Leash are the safest and most stylish way to walk your favorite furry friend! The Comfort Harness is designed to comfortably conform to your critter's contour. The adjustable small size fits small ferrets, pet rats and other smaller critters. Comfort Harnesses adjustable Velcro straps make fitting remarkably easy, while the E-Z snap buckle ensures a safe and secure connection on the harness. The Comfort Harness comes complete with a 4 foot Stretchy Stroller Leash made just for small animals. The unique harness and Stretchy Stroller ensures your pet cannot get away from you, yet its elasticity helps prevent injuries to your pet while being walked. The Comfort Harness encourages safe and healthy exercise for your little furry friend. It fits neck size 5" to 7" and waist size 7" to 9"

Exercise Machines $10 Exercise Machines - Surrogate

Good Exercise $21.99 Good Exercise - T-Shirt

Exercise Weights $29.99 Exercise Weights - Photographic Print

Exercise on the Beach $24.99 Exercise on the Beach - Photographic Print

Rock Exercise $24.99 Rock Exercise - Photographic Print

Exercise Class $24.99 Exercise Class - Photographic Print

Handy Exercise $24.99 Handy Exercise - Photographic Print

Exercise Wheel $24.99 Exercise Wheel - Photographic Print

Military Exercise $24.99 Military Exercise - Photographic Print

Exercise Chocolate $21.99 Exercise Chocolate - T-Shirt

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